The Permission to Pause: Why High Achievers Struggle to Slow Down
- Joelle Moray
- Mar 20
- 4 min read
I hear it over and over again from high-performing people and incredibly successful companies: We love what we do. We’re happy here. And yet, beneath that happiness, there’s a quieter truth—one that so many are afraid to say out loud.
We’re exhausted.
Not in the way that a good night’s sleep can fix. Not in the way that a vacation—or even a new job—would necessarily solve. This kind of exhaustion runs deeper. It’s the kind that comes from knowing exactly what to do to take care of yourself but feeling unable to give yourself permission to actually do it.
Because what if slowing down makes you seem less dedicated? What if stepping away makes you appear less ambitious? What if prioritizing your well-being means letting someone down?
The guilt attached to rest is real. In a culture that rewards urgency and glorifies busyness, slowing down can feel like breaking the rules.
But the truth is, high performance and well-being aren’t opposites. They are partners. Sustainability isn’t about pushing harder—it’s about knowing how to recover.
And recovery isn’t just about rest. It has three essential parts: Regulation, Reflection, and Restoration.
1. Regulation: Learning to Settle the Nervous System
When stress is constant, the nervous system gets stuck in high alert, making it nearly impossible to truly recharge. You might take time off, but if your brain is still scanning for the next task or bracing for what’s ahead, you’re not actually resting—you’re just temporarily disengaged.
When we are constantly on high alert, our bodies remain engaged in the fight-or-flight response, leading to the overproduction of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This state is akin to running a marathon every day, leaving us feeling utterly exhausted.
Over time, chronic stress not only depletes mental and emotional resilience but also impairs physical recovery, making it harder for the body to heal, restore energy, and maintain peak performance.
Regulation is about creating small, consistent habits that signal to your body, You are safe. You don’t have to be “on” right now. These don’t have to be big changes. A few minutes of slow, deep breathing before meetings. A short walk outside between calls. Even shifting your posture—uncrossing your legs, relaxing your shoulders—can send a message to your nervous system that it’s okay to settle.
If your body never gets the signal that it can slow down, it won’t.
2. Reflection: Self-Compassion as a Recovery Tool
Most high achievers don’t struggle with self-awareness—they know when they’re tired, they know when they’re overextended. What they struggle with is self-compassion. The ability to recognize their own limits without judgment.
Reflection isn’t just about noticing how you feel—it’s about allowing yourself to be human in that moment. To not rush past your exhaustion or justify why you should push through it.
Ask yourself:
• If a colleague or friend were feeling this way, what would I say to them?
• What would change if I saw my own needs as valid as everyone else’s?
• What is one small kindness I can extend to myself today?
Compassion isn’t indulgence. It’s what allows us to keep going.
3. Restoration: Redefining Recovery as Essential, Not Optional
Recovery isn’t something you squeeze into your life when everything else is done. It’s what allows you to keep showing up as your best self.
Restoration isn’t just about time off; it’s about how you spend your time. Are you truly restoring your energy, or are you just numbing out? Scrolling, binge-watching, or even mindlessly doing tasks in the name of “self-care” aren’t the same as actual restoration.
Restoration is about engaging in activities that replenish you. That might mean movement, time in nature, creativity, laughter, or meaningful connection. It could mean giving yourself a morning of stillness before the day begins, instead of jumping straight into emails.
The way we recover determines the way we perform.
You Don’t Have to Earn the Right to Disconnect
Somewhere along the way, we were taught that rest is something we have to earn. That self-care is a reward for exhaustion. That we must prove we’ve worked hard enough before we’re allowed to step away.
But here’s the truth: You don’t have to earn the right to take care of yourself. You don’t have to reach a breaking point before you give yourself permission to rest. You don’t have to prove your worth before you step back.
Radical self-care isn’t a luxury or selfish—it’s the foundation of sustainable success. The most resilient, effective, and impactful leaders are the ones who understand this:
Taking care of yourself isn’t what you do after the work is done. It’s what allows you to do the work in the first place.
Giving Yourself Permission
High achievers often wait for someone else to grant them permission to pause. A manager, a mentor, a deadline that forces them to stop. But permission doesn’t come from the outside. It has to come from within.
You do not have to be exhausted to be worthy.
You do not have to earn your rest.
You are allowed to take care of yourself without guilt.
Because when you do, you don’t just recover—you build the capacity to lead, to create, to thrive. Not for a sprint, but for the long haul.
Want to dive deeper? Check out my bestselling book What Are We Doing?! Radical Self-Care for the Hustle Culture.
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