On Purpose.

In a couple of other blog posts I have (ever-so-casually) mentioned that my husband and I are in the process of adopting. Due to legal and other reasons, we cannot publicly discuss the details of any of this. And while it's the most exciting thing ever, we must allow the process to be what it is and I will write about it when and if the time is ever appropriate to do so. And even though we have a 'happy ending', I'd like to talk about the journey of what it took to get to this point. So often people make comparisons on social media or in real life; and become consumed by where someone else is now. Now, this current moment, took years of hard work. Maybe you've always had a desire to write a book and you see someone launching their new book. Or you've been losing that same 20 pounds for years and you see someone else's side-by-side photos of their amazing "new" body. Or you've been searching for your soul mate and you see someone else's engagement announcement. Or you've been trying to conceive and your social feed is filled with someone else's birth announcement. And you think to yourself, "What about MY dream? WHEN IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN?!!?"

For nearly three years, we struggled. We went through countless fertility testing, treatments, rushing to a hospital in a city 70 miles from where we live multiple times. Hoping. Praying. Crying. Destroying my body and mind in the process. All to be told that my body works perfectly and there is no REASON for this. They simply did not have any answers. And we had some of the best medical care in the world. And then, I took a DEEP dive inside of myself and my marriage. Why are we doing this? What is the PURPOSE? Adoption was always part of our plan. We'd have one natural child and adopt one or seven. So, we asked ourselves a very important question: Is our purpose to become PREGNANT or is our purpose to become a FAMILY? Boom. From that moment on, all of our energy went into the adoption process. It took another ten months from that moment until we were matched. Much more on this later. But, here is the most important point of this. Right now, it's infant season. We already use language about adoption. And we will continue to do so in language that can be understood by a young mind. I worried there might be feelings of abandonment or of not belonging or not quite fitting in. So, from day one I have said, "You are here on purpose." And I will continue to say that everyday for the rest of my life. On purpose. It has so many different meanings. In the lens of adoption, it means that you are not a mistake. You were not discarded or "given up" for adoption. You were chosen. We were chosen. On purpose. There is no other baby(ies) at any other time or space that was meant to be for us. We were not meant to be anyone else's parents. You are here on purpose. And you are right on time. In the lens of goal setting, manifesting, and new year's resolutions, it means that you are on time and you are exactly where you are meant to be. Right now. Your time will come to write that book or lose that weight or find your soul mate or make your big family announcement. Or it won't because there is something far greater than you could ever imagine waiting for you. I wish I could go back to myself one year ago. I'd tell her that something far, far greater than she could ever imagine was on the way. The universe has far greater plans that you are even able to understand. Our adoption story is not over. We still have quite a climb. It's still wrecking havoc on my body and my mind. Daily. This. Is. Very. Hard. It's also on purpose. And it's right on time.

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